Dear Annie: I have been married for 33 years. My wife has children and grandchildren from another marriage. She has a great job and makes a lot of money. I am now retired. I have a nice little nest egg from my pension.
About 15 years ago, when we had a joint checking account that I trusted her with, I discovered that she was giving all of our extra money to her kids and keeping just enough to pay the bills. I decided we needed to have our own bank accounts. She got a $21,000 loan in 2017 to pay off her credit cards, which she paid off in 2019. When I retired in 2020, I paid off her credit cards once again and once again. new car in hopes of encouraging him to stop spending and start saving. .
Since January 2020, she has earned $69,000 in bonuses. She says she has $15,000 left in her other bank that she uses. Her only credit card I’ve seen, and she has several, is for $10,000. Since last January, she has given $54,000, mainly to her daughter.
None of its bonuses buy anything for our home or marriage. She has no retirement savings, 401K or anything. She had a 401K through her job, but withdrew that money and doesn’t remember what it was for. She is 67 years old. I recently told her that she needed help with her expenses and that I would stand by her and support her through this ordeal. She decided not to seek help and says she can stop spending on her own.
I have seen this movie over and over again for many years. I live with a woman who has two lives, but her life with her sponge family seems more important to her. I’ll take any advice. — Desperate
Dear Desperate: Your wife’s financial decisions seem to be motivated differently; on the one hand, she’s spending money in a way that you’ve defined as a serious spending problem. On the other hand, a large sum of money goes to his daughter. I can’t help but wonder if her daughter is okay: has something serious happened in her life where she needs quick access to a large sum of money?
Ultimately, you and your wife need to have an open and honest conversation about your finances. Whether you decide to sit down with a financial advisor to develop a plan for your joint finances or keep things entirely individual, you need to put everything on the table – for the love of money and your marriage – before you be able to move. towards a resolution.
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